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  • The Edict

If Spring Semester Was a Video Game

**Not sponsored by R3spawn, but, um, hit us up.**

Description: Move over, Ludo King. We have an even more infuriating, equally rigged game that will also bring out both the best and worst in you. Here is an exclusive sneak peek into The Last Semester™. [No, this is not counterfeit culmin bingo]

Level 1: Pre-midterm Break

Heard about the “Corona Virus” in China and jokingly refused to hug your friend who took the metro back from Delhi +20

Briefly talked about how bad it would be if the virus spread in India +10

Saw people tracking Covid-19 cases and thought “it’s not that big of a deal” -5

Spent your last few days on campus intoxicatedly making plans with everyone you know and everyone you just met 10 minutes ago in the bathroom +25

Level 2: Post-midterm Break

“Nooo I don’t think it’ll be as bad as in *insert country*” -10

“Okay the government has to do something, India can’t handle an outbreak like this!” +20

“Nooo I don’t think they’ll shut down college, it’s too soon to say” -10

“Okay they need to do something, campus is a Petri Dish!” +35

Never switched on your video for any online class +60

Typed “F” in the online class chat every time your prof didn’t understand internet slang +90

Nodded ‘yes’ in a group video call despite not being able to hear anything for the last 15 mins +45

Always typed “Thank you :)” or “Bye!!” at the end of class in hopes of reminding your prof of your existence +20

“I miss the Sonipat Skies damnit” +20

Got slightly emotional when you received the Dining Menu +75

Felt like you owed Bhupinder and Bibhuti your first born child for sending you the newspaper and the free Coursera library that you opened once and never again +75

Tried to make Dalgona Coffee only for your mother to make fun of you and show you how to actually pheto coffee +45 (and +5 for the effort)

Grudgingly started an email with “Hope you’re doing well in these uncertain times”, fully knowing that no one was doing well +25

Level 3: Summer [Bonus Expansion Pack]

Tried to learn a TikTok dance only to realise you have the hip mobility and back pain of a 93 year old +45 (minus 10 points if you’re not a conventionally attractive white teen)

Immediately started laughing until you cried a little, when a friend asked, “how are you?” on a video call +90

Started saving your walks outside only for when you’re feeling 80% homicidal +35

Had at least one explosive political discussion with your folks +35

Figured the world was coming to an end on a biweekly basis +40

Said “yeah but it’s all so uncertain” in a conversation at least once a day +40 (bonus 30 points if it’s in the mirror and you’re alone)

Tried one at-home workout and checked for abs 20 minutes later +45

Tried out different hobbies and online classes like they were different kinds of paneer at the dhaba +50 and +5 if you know Hydrabadi is the best

Boss Battle: Felt defeated about not fully being able to help those less fortunate than you, but still doing what you can with petitions, donations or simply sharing +15000000000

The Next Level: I mean who knows, it’s all so uncertain.

Note: All rights are reserved and all scores are arbitrary. Honestly, if you’ve made it this far (in this article and this academic year) with even 10% of your mental faculties intact, then it’s fair to consider it a win.

By Devika Goswami (UG22)

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